Sakura Matsuri
by Ishmael the 6th
Summary: They wiped themselves out in the second war, their own technique tore their brains apart. Now, an annoying fangirl is being trained to revive them... No way this could end badly... Pairings: (Saku?) (NaruHina) (OC x Suzume)


_**Warnings: Blood, Gore, Violence, Hetero, Lemons (Implied)**_

 **I put hetero in there because I am grateful to all the writers labeling their yaoi fics as such and assume that as I don't want to read yaoi they don't want to read my stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING other than plotlines or OCS**

 **Story Starting, Kupo======================================**

 **Chapter Starting, Kupo====================================**

Chapter 1: (Tests? A Future Looms!)

"Kakashi-kun? This is unexpected, come in, come in! I have a few minutes before my next appointment!" The elderly Hokage smiled and led the Jōnin back into his office where, under the watchful eye of both Sarutobi and a clone overseer, several Shadow Clones labored away at the paperwork. "Thank you for your suggestion by the way, it never occurred to me! Fifteen Shadow Clones, that's what it takes to get all of the work done! If you hadn't suggested it I probably wouldn't have time to meet with you. Now, what can I do for you?" Kakashi settled into a comfy chair and paused to compose his thoughts, his Icha-Icha momentarily forgotten.

"I'd like to ask about my team." Sarutobi stared in shock, not quite certain he heard right. Kakashi took no notice and continued. "You hand-pick my team every year to try to get one to pass, so let's talk about them. I want their files and an hour of your time, and if you can convince me of their potential then I will pass them regardless of initial performance." Sarutobi, just recovered from one shock quickly took another and fell back further into his chair, thinking six miles a minute. He shook his head clear and ordered the Anbu to do as Kakashi had asked.

"I went ahead and cashed in one of your favors for you and had them tested as if they were immigrating shinobi. The results were actually quite productive, I'm considering making it mandatory for new teams to go through the process…" A few short minutes later three thick files were dropped in front of them. Kakashi picked the first one up and looked inside, reading as he went.

"Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, son of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze, Yellow Flash and Fourth Hokage of Konoha. Namikaze-san was tested rigorously to determine his aptitude as a shinobi in all aspects and was found to have great potential in close range combat. His Taijutsu is unpolished and shows severe misinformation in the basic academy stances, yet it shows great potential, as even while we tested him he was developing his own style that can only be described as a wobbly maelstrom. His attack patterns are random and reactive to the environment, his main opponent, and multiple opponents. It is recommended he be trained heavily in Taijutsu under Jōnin supervision to develop and refine his style. His physicality is poor, indicative of malnourishment, in spite of the extremely rigorous training regime he practices. Immediate intervention is recommended to teach Namikaze-san about proper nutrition and insure that he follows through. Namikaze-san demonstrates an extreme Wind affinity with a somewhat strong Lightning secondary. His chakra reserves exceed the entire Jōnin population _combined_!" Kakashi's eyes read something akin to terror at the thought of that much chakra. He forced himself to continue reading.

"He was found to have little chakra control, though this presents little problem as he could beat most Jōnin in a battle of attrition regardless of control. Further training in close range Ninjutsu such as Chidori or Rasengan is recommended. His Genjutsu results were poor, with all attempts at the mental arts thwarted by his massive reserves and horrid control. He showed some skill in forcibly dispelling Genjutsu, but showed another unique trait. Due to his huge reserves and ridiculously large coils Namikaze-san is able to produce denser chakra than average, providing some defense against Genjutsu. It is believed that in time he could be trained to produce nothing but the densest, increasing his control, his potency, and nullifying Genjutsu. His training recommendations suggest extreme frontline capability." Kakashi sighed, processing the massive block of text. Suddenly, a thought struck him. "Why do they so openly call him Namikaze?" The elder sighed tiredly and Kakashi fixed him with a stern glare.

"Someone leaked the information. I have yet to locate the culprit." Sarutobi held his hand up to forestall complaints. "There is nothing for it, so I went ahead and made him the official heir to clan Uzumaki and family Namikaze. He has a house, a small fortune, and, when he gets older, a seat on the council. Please, continue on." Kakashi nodded and picked up the second folder.

"Sasuke Uchiha, son of Mikoto and Fugaku Uchiha, Heir to the Uchiha Clan. Uchiha-san was tested rigorously to determine his aptitude as a shinobi in all aspects and was found to have great potential in mid to long range combat. Uchiha's Taijutsu is an emulation of the traditional Uchiha Style's Lion Stance, focused on hit and run tactics. It is less than stable, and it is recommended he be taught some other form or allowed to study and refine it further before combat deployment. His physicality is excellent, indicating a balanced diet and consistent exercise. Uchiha-san possesses dual Lightning-Fire natures. His chakra reserves are low Chūnin and his control is high Genin. Elemental training is highly recommended. Uchiha-san shows limited proficiency in Genjutsu and it is not recommended as a career path. Uchiha san is somewhat self-centered and arrogant, and it is recommended that he undergo Yamanaka counseling to help him overcome these issues. He sees very little value in others and possess poor teamwork. However, under the care of his distant cousin Haori he is developing into a proper shinobi." Kakashi sighed again, the Uchiha was honestly more trouble than he was worth.

"Sakura Haruno, daughter of Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno. Haruno-san was tested rigorously to determine her aptitude as a shinobi in all aspects and was found to have little potential as a direct combat shinobi. Her Taijutsu is picture perfect academy-taught Swaying Leaf style, focused on kicks and evasion. While it is perfect from a technical standpoint, her transitions are weak and her patterns obvious. It is recommended she be put on heavy physical conditioning and a protein heavy diet to build her muscle mass to acceptable shinobi standards, then trained rigorously to make her useful at close range. She claims to be on a diet, but it truthfully amounts to starving herself, and should be forced to eat properly and exercise. Haruno-san has dual Earth-Lightning natures. Her reserves are extremely shallow, just large enough for the academy. Reserve deepening is recommended in spite of being a painful process. Her control is easily her best feature, basically flawless. She has some proficiency for Genjutsu, but shows more capability for a very specific career path: Coordinator Shinobi?!" Kakashi turned to the Hokage "Coordinator shinobi died out in the second war, why are we thinking about reviving such a thing?!" Kakashi was worried, coordinator shinobi were exterminated by their own technique during the second war. The Mind Transmission Jutsu can and will cause hemorrhages if the control isn't absolutely… Oh…" Sarutobi gave him a knowing smirk.

"Figured it out at last, did you?" Kakashi nodded numbly. "Besides, the unpleasant side-effects only happened when they tried to coordinate a hundred shinobi. Working with just her team she should be fine. Now, I'm not asking you to teach her this, rather, I want you to sit out for a while." Kakashi stiffened slightly. "I'll train Naruto for a little bit, Danzo will make Sasuke loyal, and…" The Hokage snapped his fingers, and instantly a Mouse-Masked Anbu was kneeling next to Kakashi. He observed that, instead of the standard Anbu bodysuit he was instead wearing a standard blue shinobi jumpsuit. "Anbu Mouse, I've an assignment for you. You are no longer Anbu; instead you are now a Chūnin, rise, Bao Zijin." The Anbu took off his mask and laid it upon the Hokage's desk before tossing his vest to one of the remaining Anbu in the corner, pulled a headband out of nowhere and tied it on backwards. His squinted eyes moved slightly and he smiled. He ran his hand over his completely hairless head and scratched his neck.

"At your command, Otchan, what is my mission?" Kakashi eyed the shifty looking shinobi warily, but the man gave no indication of discomfort. The Hokage chuckled at the familiar form of address before relaying his orders.

"You are to take an apprentice." Bao arched his hairless brow in surprise, his habitual smile widening by a hairs-breadth, if that. "Sakura Haruno possesses perfect chakra control, but I'm only ordering you to help her physical condition and teach her _that_." Bao's eyes opened in surprise, revealing irides the same color as his pupils: pitch black. "Anything else you teach her is up to you." After half a beat his grin returned to full force and Bao jumped out the window, pausing on the windowsill only for a moment.

"A new Coordinator, eh? Aight, I'll see 'bout Sakura-han shortly. Grateful for the tea, Otchan, Kakashi-dabo!" With that, Bao was gone, even as Kakashi lazily flung a kunai at him for the insult. He lifted his mug of tea to his lips, only to discover it drained…

 **Chapter Ending, Kupo====================================**

Okay, Sakura Matsuri (Sakura Festival) is up and running! I always had a strong distaste for Sakura, and I wondered what it would take to make her worth something. So here is my idea, hope you enjoy! Now, Bao's speech might seem off, but I wanted him to come across as completely laid back and snarky, so I gave him an Osaka dialect. Hence 'san' became 'han', the Hokage is 'Otchan' (a casual way of addressing older men), and Kakashi is a 'dabo' which is a more serious version of 'aho' which in turn is a replacement of 'baka'. Expect Sakura to develop from the fucking annoying fangirl into something worthwhile long before the bell test, I'm giving it the best case scenario of catching her worthlessness in the beginning.

Please do review; even short ones are like air to writers! As always, if you would like to beta read please let me know in a review or a message.

At Your Service,

Qwertyus Samson


End file.
